OMG, The Blahs…

I am 3 days past the revision surgery to fill out a dent in my left breast, still wearing a drain, struggling with the same emotions I struggled with last time I was restricted from doing anything.  It’s SO hard for me to just sit and relax and leave everything.  The dishes, the mess on the porch that the puppy made after deciding my tool bag would make a good chew toy, the dog hair on the floor that I usually sweep up twice daily, not to mention a zillion other things that need to be done.  You would think I learned my lesson last time, after stitching splitting and having to be so hyper-vigilant about not doing too much.  The last thing in the world I want is to have to do this again.  I’m kind of over being down.

The kids need help, the dogs have to be tended to, food has to be made, laundry has to be done (I did actually do a load using my right arm only), etc.  There’s just no such thing as recovering by way of not doing anything.  But I think the best piece of advice I could give anyone going through any type of similar process is to just take it easy.  Just recover.  Who the fuck cares what anyone else says or how messy your house gets.  Just do what you need to do to look out for you and your health.

I decided to hold off posting photos until I can see the results of the last surgery and do a side-by-side comparison.  I go back to the plastic surgeon on Tuesday.  I didn’t see him after the procedure, so this will be my first time talking to him since the pre-surgical visit.  I am interested to get the run-down and actually see what my breast looks like now.

The drainage this time has been minimal, but very dark red and it seems to increase with movement.  I remember it lightening up as the days passed after previous procedures, but right now it is still dark.  The compression bra is driving me crazy.  I want to rip it off.   The left breast looks visibly larger than the right (swelling) and I am constantly aware of the position of all my dogs’ heads for fear that they will snag the line with their noses and go dashing by, ripping the drain line out of my skin.  Gah.  That would suck.

So here I sit, trying to deal with the blahs and thinking “How the hell did I do this for so long?”  Day after day after the mastectomy, then the expanders, then the implant exchange and subsequent failures and revisions.  How did I do it?  It was so hard.  You have to tell yourself you are doing what you have to do, but the urge to live up to everyone else’s expectations is extremely difficult.  In a way it feels kind of surreal to have a drain hanging out of me again after being fairly normal and active for quite some time.   I can deal with the blahs, though, as there are so many people who have it far worse.  I am thankful to have had the option(s) that I did.






3 thoughts on “OMG, The Blahs…

  1. I have a friend who also had a preventative mastectomy. She has healed now! if you’re interested, check it out! She struggled too with recovery as she is a very proactive woman and had a lot of things to get done. I love your good attitude despite the struggles.

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