It’s Been A While…

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything in this blog.   After the expanders were removed my skin had to heal, then I had to massage and ready the skin to accept the expanders again.   I didn’t think I could do it.  I hadn’t touched that skin since before the mastectomy.  Now that it was all tucked under and looked pitiful, I was supposed to massage it?  Meh.  I would do it, but it was very difficult to reconcile that this was what my breasts looked like now.

I had to apply vitamin-enriched lotion several times a day.  I have to admit, I thought that having the expanders gone and having my skin just hanging there for months would be the worst thing ever.  It turned out to be a nice break.  I needed one.  Too much surgery.  Too much heartbreak and disappointment.  I was sick of lying around and was anxious to get back into life again.  I would eventually be able to go on my walks again, ride my bike, do stuff with the kids and dogs.  I was ready to feel like a human again.

I had no prosthetic bra so when my skin healed up enough to try to fashion some sort of fake breast, I tried my bathing suit top with some bra inserts held in there with bobby pins.  It worked out ok.  I wore it for a while until I decided to try to get a really firm bra when the incisions healed up enough that it didn’t bother me to have something rubbing on them.   It still irritated the incision area, but at least I ended up looking like I had some balance to myself.  I’d gained weight and without breasts everything is all out of balance, so with a nice firm-cupped bra it wasn’t too bad.  My scars itched like a mother, but I dealt with it to have a feminine shape again.

I went to the beach, got a new pup, showed my dogs, walked, exercised, resumed normal (as normal as it can be without breasts) relations with my husband, took a vacation with my sister.  Sure it was depressing to look at myself with shriveled, empty, sunken breasts every night, but I just kept telling myself that it could always be worse.  It could be chemo.  It could be no hair.  It could have been a death sentence.  I began to look at life with a renewed sense of vigor and determination to do everything I ever wanted to do and had been putting off.  I enjoyed life.

Showing new pup at her first show

 

With Rama, chunk of liver in my mouth–yuck!

 

Taking Sassy to the beach for the first time

 

Having a drink at Vesuvio in San Francisco

 

My sister sampling wine at Rutherford Winery in Napa

 

In the yard at Alcatraz

 

Lombard Street

 

Napa

 

Golden Gate at sunset

 

 

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2 thoughts on “It’s Been A While…

  1. Shannon you are one of the strongest most beautiful women I know! You are an inspiration to me and should be to every woman. You have a kindred soul with a huge heart and I hope to be HALF of the woman you are everyday! ❤

    • Oh my goodness, Connie, you’re a doll. What sweet things to say! Lately I’m having to dig deep, lol! But thank you for saying such nice things!

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